Everyone would expect me to choose "Bang the Drum All Day" or "Mississippi Queen" (a song that I never admitted to hating, but was still associated with loathing). I won't even pick any Top 40 because I don't necessarily hate Top 40--I just find it all repetitive and disappointing. I've talked about these songs before so there's no point in repeating myself.
Instead, I'll surprise everyone with a song from a band that I actually enjoy.
"Talking Bird" by Death Cab for Cutie.
Gasp. What?! 'But Chris,' some hypothetical person is saying. 'You love Death Cab. It's annoying, frankly, how much you talk up this band.'
I know, I know, imaginary-friend-using-a-backhanded-statement. Let me explain.
I dislike almost everything about this song, and while I may not flat-out hate it more than any other song in existence, the fact that one of my favorite bands not only wrote this song BUT ALSO PUT IT ON AN ALBUM frustrates me to no end.
My first beef with the song is the tempo. While there's nothing wrong with slow songs, the way the percussion and bass shuffle along really drags the song along, like it was originally recorded at twice the speed and then cut in half-time just to see what it sounded like. "Dragged" is really the best way I can describe the song that follows the upbeat and well-paced "Cath..." Everyone sounds incredibly bored to be playing their instruments, as if waiting for there to be something grander in the conclusion. Nothing happens, though, and the song doesn't go anywhere.
Perhaps my biggest problem with the song is the lyrics, which revolve around one of the weakest, most half-assed metaphors in the history of music. Gibbard usually can produce some interesting words to put over the music, but actually take a look at the lyrics to the song and see if you can find out what Ben is getting at. Go ahead, take a look.
You get it?
His girl is like a parrot! The first half of the song seems like the protagonist is fed up with his love, who "knows so few words." She's "kept in an open cage." You got that? If she wants to fly the coop, she's free to go, and there's nothing he's going to do to stop her.
If that's not love... well, most of us know what is.
But then he drops the bomb near the end of the song, "I'll love you all your days." Wait, so this girl "on infinite repeat" (pretty annoying), can leave whenever she wants but he's still going to love her?
Quit being a bitch, dude. You really got to lock that down...
On top of the lyrics, the rhymes are very weak, as Gibbard has a hard time rhyming "bird" with "furled," "realize" and "time," "days" and "frame." The last two lines finally succeed, rhyming "stay" with "away," but it doesn't make up for shoddy writing from the rest of the song.
And yet, somehow, I have three different versions of this song.
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