On the Fourth Day of Christmas

a) “It's Christmas Time” by Yo La Tengo

There is an overwhelming sense of happiness in Yo La Tengo's “It's Christmas Time.” The lyrics are pretty simple and repetitive (what time is it?), but this is one of those instances where earnestness and holiday cheer trump irritation.

It's just... delightful.

b) Home Alone

MOVIE EXEC: Let me get this straight: A kid gets left behind over Christmas by his parents while robbers simultaneously attempt to break into the house and the kid fends them off with elaborate booby-traps?

OTHER MOVIE EXEC: Uh... I guess.

MOVIE EXEC: Even for a kids' movie, it sounds a little stupid.

OTHER MOVIE EXEC: We'll get John Hughes to write it.

MOVIE: Sold.

Yeah, Home Alone is pretty awesome, if not completely implausible. The scary next-door neighbor, the creepy furnace in the basement, and Joe Pesci with a blowtorch to the scalp? Quality family entertainment. Also, let's not forget how amazing the world would be if Angels with Filthy Souls was a legitimate movie.

c) White fudge Oreos

Food might be one of the best parts about the holiday season. Y'know, after the presents and time with family and the overall feeling of joy. One of the things I miss most recently is the White Fudge Oreos. When I was growing up, this was the sure sign that Christmas was coming, not animated specials from the 1960s or the countdown to the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story.

Yes, Oreos.

My parents were in love with these cookies as much as my brother and I were. It was a family obsession (our current family obsession = Breaking Amish [we're different people now]) and we would purchase four trays at a time, knowing full well that they would be gone by the end of the week (you may have seen us on My 600-Pound Family).

There was nothing special about these Oreos— Oh, wait. Except for the fact that they were COVERED IN WHITE FUDGE! Possibly the most delicious confection produced by any company ever, the White Fudge Oreo was my go-to dessert for years. That was, until tragedy struck. One year, my father came home Oreoless and after our ritualistic shunning of him for a few months, he declared that our grocery store did not carry White Fudge Oreos any longer. In fact, he added, he wasn't sure if Nabisco made them anymore. Of course now, in the age of the internet, I know that's total bullshit. They're still produced and probably tasty as fuck-ever. But will I go out, searching every store in Michigan or the country until I find these delicious cookies? Will I rub their smooth, creamy shell against my cheek, whispering, “My preciousssss...”? Will I keep one in a Ziploc baggie for decades so that I may one day recreate the magical formula for my own selfish means?

Of course not. I'm not crazy...