On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

a) “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Kate Nash
“Merry Xmas Everybody” is huge in England. It's like those fans that chant “Seven Nation Army” during football events in... well, England (football=soccer. Thanks, Green Street Hooligans!). Barely anyone in the States has heard of the song, which is a shame because it's actually a great, catchy festive rock song from Slade, just like the lesser-known Columbus Day hit from Night Ranger, “Bunny Bunny Bunny Bunny.”

Kate Nash, very British, covered the song for The A.V. Club (I've never heard of them...) a couple of years ago and I found it instantly charming. I only say this version is better than the original because she is cute and because it is better. Also, the bass strings are red, did you see that?!


Kate Nash covers "Merry X-Mas Everybody"

b) “Santa” from New Girl
Last night's episode of New Girl was a good episode. It wasn't the greatest of the season by any means and occasionally showed symptoms of overt formulaism. By the time the halfway mark rolled around, everyone was walking away from each other—Jess from Sam, Angie from Nick, Schmidt from Cece, a cranberry from Winston—and yet was all knew that they would resolve these problems by the end of the episode (except the cranberry). It's a Christmas episode, after all, and what is Christmas without spending it with the one you love?

And yet, like every episode of New Girl, I found myself laughing hysterically, and often. A lot of it was simple character stuff (like Nick trying out some stripper moves and Jess ducking behind her friends to avoid detection), but some of it was showing how holidays are celebrated New Girl-style. The fact that no one knows the lyrics to “O Come All Ye Faithful” or Schmidt attempting to figure out what CeCe celebrates this time of year (“Happy Moon Festival?”). It's just nice to see everything work out once in a while.

c) Candy canes
Candy canes are boss because I've noticed a sad lacking in the Candy Department for most major holidays (INTERCOM: “Slattery, Candy Dept. Line 2. Slattery, Candy Dept. Line 2...”). And what better way to celebrate the birth of our Lord than sugary sticks shaped like shepherds' hooks?

I've always wondered why, of all things, the candy cane became a symbol of Christmas. Sure, there are instances of sugarplums and gingerbread men in stories and casual conversation, but the candy cane has outshone all, year after year. I buy candy canes when I clearly don't need to, which—come to think of it—is ever.

Candy canes actually kind of suck as a treat. Half of them are already broken at the crook, and once you get past the shaft (giggle giggle), how is one expected to consume the curvy part? It's not exactly prime to suck on a fish hook of a sugar stick, let alone chewing on one, given that scientists have proven that candy cane residue can stick to a person's teeth for upwards of 10,000 years.